I'm not sure if any of you out there have heard about Product Testing Groups but you have to try to get in on it. Let me explain, basically once every six months or so someone will call you and see if you "qualify" for a specific "session" they have coming up.

If you do qualify (if you're smart you can lie so you always will) they will tell you where and when to go and you will take part in some kind of a brain storm session, or actually test a product. I can hear you thinking, why the fuck would I want to do that! Because you get paid motha fucka!

Let me tell you what I've taken part in over the last while. For two weeks these product testing people supplied me with smokes, and then paid me $400. Yes you did hear me right, they gave me a series of cigarettes were in the testing phase and paid me to smoke, and rate them. One time I had to sit in this bull shit brain storm group for some new GPS gadget for two hours and got $70.

None of that matters because tomorrow I take part in another product testing session. Nothing could prepare me for when they called saying what it would be for...

BEER TASTE TESTER! That's right, tomorrow I drive my lazy ass over to this uptight office and get paid to drink beer, It's my dream job! If I could only find someone who will pay me to drink beer full-time I could die a happy man.

Imagine that... wake up, go to work and get drunk, go home and drink more. What a life!

It's time to go get high, please be a good little ALien and follow my example. Or at least go dig into a nice big slab of meat.

I'm so AL damned tired that I can't bring myself to do a large update today. I've spent the last six hours working on a new top secret extra special experimental completely original never before seen side scrolling layout for druglife. Click here to check it out, and make sure you mail me and tell me what you think. I'm not sure if I like it or not yet but it does still need some work so it will scroll properly.

Remember, YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST! The side scrolling layout; a creation by Kyle Bermer.

The DrugPoll is all fucked up and I can't seem to figure out how to fix it. The new question works fine, but the old stats won't go away.

As you can see I've been sober for about two days and I'm loosing it. I have to go pick up before I go crazy. While I'm away make sure you drool over this and try this.

The much requested marijuana cookies recipe has finally arrived! Click here to check it out, or you can get there by clicking on the title over on the content menu on the left. If you're in a good mood take a minute to thank Jesse for getting the recipe to me.

For the first time I suggest you eat them one at a time to see how hard they hit

you. I don't want the guilt of you getting busted because you can't handle your shit.

After the first time it's a completely different story though. Once you know what your limit is you better be shoveling those things down your throat faster than Pam Anderson can eat a dick.

Make sure that you send in the details of whatever happens while you are in a cookie bliss so it can be posted in the druglife section.

And now for something completely different:

You may or may not remember the Druglife Drunk-Off © that I was organizing a while ago which never happened. The reason it never happened is because I did some bad estimation on when my cam would be back up and running.

Since my cam is working now I'm working on rescheduling it. You can look forward to that in the near future.

You sexy bitch.

I have been informed that the Who wants to be a (drugged up) Millionaire game takes a long time to load. I checked it out and the roomers are true, it does take a long time to load, but it does load, and does work. That means that you should just open it in a new window and forget about it until it is done.

Alcohol is a cancer to me. I have been a steady drunker for years now and I really do think it is getting to me. I find that I have lost a bunch of my brain power: My short term memory has gone to shit and I am starting to over explain everything, not because the person I'm talking to doesn't understand, but because I don't. It scares me and when something scares me I drink to forget about it...I am in a vicious circle.

When I look back I really don't regret it. I remember when I was 14 with my Mohawk running around the city trying to find someone I knew who was 19. When I finally found that person it was pure pleasure and I could feel the tension lift off of my shoulders and the non existence morphine pump through my blood. Brain damage seems inevitable but unavoidable.

The drugs and alcohol are taking over; My eyes are trying to close and my brain is trying to turn off. Even though I don't like coke (not Pepsi cola, the real shit) to much I really wish I had some to lift me up right now. If you think coffee sobers you up just try a rail or two and you'll be straighter (in a really fucked up way) than before you started drinking.

I'm not sure if you can see it that clearly, but every single red dot on that map is a Mc Donald's (173 to be exact) for AL sakes.

Do you understand what that means? It means that there are more Mc Donald's in my surrounding area than there are sexy bitches. Can you possibly understand how much that sucks?!

There has been a gigantic addition to druglife today. I would like you all to take a moment and give a warm round of applause to the newest druglife game *drum roll* "Who Wants to be a (drugged up) Millionaire!"

The questions for the Who Wants to be a (drugged up) Millionaire took me hours to scrap together but I think that they're fun and still challenging. The game only holds 15 questions (there's no rotation) but I plan on changing them every week. If you have any questions you want to see in the game send them in.

There is a high scores section for Who Wants to be a (drugged up) Millionaire that logs your IP and only counts your first try. You can play as many times as you want, but only your first attempt will be logged into the high scores so make sure you don't fuck it up.

And now for something completely different:

This entire update was supposed to be posted yesterday but I had some last minute problems with the game (it wouldn't work) so it was delayed until now. The internet works in mysterious ways.

If you think about it the entire internet and computer revolution could be wiped out without a trace. Everything is "virtual", non of this "actually" exists.

If the worlds computers all suffered some super powered surge of electricity and everything was lost, it would be lost for good. The only thing left behind would be useless metal boxes and intricate wire networks.
Century's from now when we have killed ourselves Aliens will come to earth and see these odd looking boxes with weird buttons and have no idea what they were for. The existence of the internet would be completely lost. No hard proof of it's content, just books about it and this weird thing called y2k. All of the webmasters hard work lost for good.

Do you understand now? Go out and get drunk! Go get all fucked up, have a good time. None of this is real! Enjoy reality.

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." -- Hunter S. Thompson.

I've been posting a lot of reader mail for the last few days so I figure that I should lay off a little. I've decided to post one last one so that there's some negativity. This was sent in from Tony:

webcam portal 8 graffiti board -- try not to be a total douchebag, okay?

> she isnt
> is perfekt on?
> so the layout's a copy too?
> nice originality on the layout too = stile
> druglife = drug e/n *yawn*
> its nothing like stile project
> Feed 'ya F A T piggy
> how is druglife a stile ripoff?
> Feed Those Boobies Regan, get em nice and plump for us!
> druglife = stile ripoff
> i missed that :(
> that wasnt live that was from before when he showed his manly nutsack
> //Druglife rocks
> anyone here been to druglife yet?
> SOmEONE Get NuDe!@!!!!

I really hate composing content based on the stileproject, there's way too many sites out there that do a much better job at it than I do.

On to the mail; I think it's cool that this site's being talked about but I honestly don't see how it's a stile rip off at all. Oh, I'm so silly, now I see:

It's the fact that I have a menu on the left side of the page isn't it? Maybe it's the fact that I swear sometimes...we all know the stileproject was the first to have or do either of those things.

No no no no, that's not right. It has to be that fact that I (don't) post all sort's of pictures of mutilation and shit eating Japanese people. No no no... It's the fact that I (don't) have the exact same color scheme and layout as his site. No no, it has to be the cam portals I (don't) have. No...it has to be the fact that the updates on my main page get pushed down as new updates arrive...that has to be it! Sorry stile, sorry everyone.

I have become so upset over my new found fraudulence that I'm going to go resume drunking.

Reader mail: From : Shorty Bobness Subject: FUN!

hey i just started reading your site and its damn nice. great links, funny commentary and your not a sellout and you and me have something in common. we like getting fucked up! well im bored and wanted to write in about something so ill write about the movie theatre. everytime me and my friends get fucked up on different things in my house we go to the movies. in that theatre ive snuck in everytime ive been for the past 2 months, have tried to score drugs off the ticket ripper, stole at least 50 dollors worth of candy, icees etc, broke the screen of an arcade machine, between me and my friends vomit has spilt in those theatres 5 times weve pissed on seats at least 10 times, have wrote in sharpees on the screen and projector glass, have dipped and spit on the seats, and well...thats about it but i think its pretty good so far oh and heres some intresting info

did you know you can dip with weed, take as much as will fit in your your lower lip and leave it in there and swallow your spit, has helped me get through many boring classes. well thats it adios and keep up the good site and the fun times

Wicked! I used to do the exact same thing at this shitty $2 theater near my house. Once we snuck in all these Blue Typhoons and a bottle of cheap champagne. We opened the champagne in the middle of the movie but the fucker had gotten so shaken up it sprayed about 8 feet into the air. At that point we had blown our cover so we each just lit up a smoke and kicked up our feet. We never did get busted though.

But why would you piss on the seats? Breaking video games and stealing candy is one thing, but leaving hard DNA evidence behind is definitely not a good idea, you have a lot to learn young grasshopper.

Reader mail: From: surfer73 Subject: Dee aRe yoU Gee eL Iy eF Ey

K like in Kill
Y like in Yellow
L like in LSD
E like in Ecstasy

B like in Boobs
E like in mother fucking...ummm...
R like in Ruffee
M like in Munchies
E like in triple Ex
R like in keepin it Real

When I said whatever you have to say just send it in and I'll post it, I was being serious. Can someone send me something like a cool story, a few drug affiliated pictures, something with a little bit of content maybe. Don't get me wrong; It's not that I don't find this e-mail funny, and kind of cool, but if you're going to send me something like that the least you can do is tell me about all the coke you just snorted and how you're just blowing some time. Don't just be readers, be thinkers!