Camping. From: Magdalyn

My friends and I decided to go camping one weekend. When we got to the site we were greeted by this trailer trash lady who warned us that this certain family, who she called a "bunch of Ho bags", was staying there this weekend and we should try to avoid them. We didn't pay much attention to her, set up our shit and proceeded to drink. I have a REALLY low alcohol tolerance, so much of the night is a blur, but this is what I remember-

This girl introduced herself to me and I said :"oh, so you're the hoe bag that lady was talking about..." her response was to slap me across the face. I was extremely confused, but too drunk to care much, so I just walked away. I am not sure how this next part began, but I have been told I started it some how or another.

I walked over to a group of friends and the next thing I knew we were all making out... 4 girls and 2 guys... before things got too out of hand I stared puking, so this put a quick stop to it all, but it did cause interesting discussion the next day.

I don't really remember what else happened, but I woke up in a a tent full of puke and dishes without my pants covered in bruises.

Needless to say I was extremely hungover, so I spent the day being a bitch and puked another dozen times. Well, when night rolled around I got in a better mood, somked some pot and dropped two hits of acid with my friend Beth. Everyone else drank and smoked up.

Within the following half hour we were fucked out of our minds. Beth became extremely angry and kept crying, and I was experiencing extreme visuals. These two women came up to us and said they were cops, Beth told them to fuck off and they became quite angry. Now, beth in 90 pounds soaking wet, so I was concerned for her safety when she threatened to beat up these two 160 pound butch dyke type cops, but we just ran away instead and they didn't chase us.

We then met this guy who kept saying that he wanted to eat Beth. It was really dark and he was black so all I could see were his teeth. I basically thought this enormous mouth was trying to kill my best friend so I started screaming hysterically and we both started to cry. Our frineds came to see what the problem was and calmed us down.

With our friends came some guys we dodn't know. When beth looked up she saw the one guy with the moon to his back and thought he was god(not Al, the christian one). I then looked up and saw the other who happened to be wearing a cross and thought he was jesus. They were amused by this, but we were in awe cause we neither of us believe in god, so we thought we were witnessing a miracle. These guys spent the rest of the night with us and tried to keep us from getting into too much trouble.

Dec 19. The Meeting. From: cndnskinbyrd.

Hey, this was my Saturday night.

I took the bus to Guelph and got there about five. I was meeting and old friend to talk because last time we saw each other we tried to beat the piss out each other. I just knew I was going to need a drink for this. The only thing that was decided was that trying to have a serious conversation is pretty hard after 3/4 of a 26er. Especially when there is 7 drunk punks & skins taking their clothes off and fighting in your kitchen.

Uglykid decides he's the man and has to show the other guys how big his balls are. Once his pants drop, two guys hold him down while another tries to anally rape him with a banana. Although a disgusting display of alcohol wastage, another guy (from Brampton no less) decides that it would be great fun to pour the remaining sludge from his Colt 45 onto Uglykid's balls.

The fun really started when Uglykid went to the bathroom to clean the squished banana from his asshole and the beer from his balls. He walked in on a skin who was taking a piss. After being pissed on by the angry skin, he decides he should take a shower. He turns on the water, jumps in with his clothes on (to get rid of the piss smell), and falls... cracking his face of the bathtub.

Cleaning up his own blood made the poor slob puke and pass out. When we found him the next morning he was lying in a puddle of blood, puke, piss, beer and banana. We were all planning to go out for a great breakfast, so as good friends, we did what any good friends would have done.

Left him there.

Cheers! cndnskinbyrd.

Summer time. Steve's Party. From: TrollE

Ok Steve's party. Everyone had been waiting and planning this party for months. There was going to be a wrestling match, and a couple of kegs. Punk rawk on the stereo and lots of friends.

The day before the party I decided to stock up. I buy three 40's. I go to home and realize that my mother wont be home for most of the night. I drink all three 40'z.

OH NO !!!! No booze left....And its ten bucks to get some beer at the party.

As the Simpson's say: "You can always depend on the kindness of strangers" . I got there at like 3 'o' clock I gave Steve five bucks and said that would be cool.

I hit the keg. I had about 9 glasses before people started showing up. All my friends came and I was tanked. I started spitting on everyone, and I supposedly drank some dish soap.

Due to years of alcohol abuse I no longer have to puke when i get really drunk, instead I have to shit.

In Steve's basement there is a tiny little bathroom where no one is allowed to shit. I did anyways...then there was no toilet paper... I'm drunk, tired, a little high, and I need to wipe my ass...Luckily I'm wearing really thin boxers...I rip them up use them and throw them in the parking lot next to Steve's house.

I went outside and some guys girlfriend comes out and starts talking to me but I'm so drunk that I don't want to talk to her. I left and laid down in the bushes. Later my friend Daryl came and asked who I was and he thought I was a nazi but I said I wasn't.

I go now. The long walk home sucked.

Nov 23. From: TrollE

One day I was rich. I had $20, and some bored friends. We decided to get drunk. I bought my friend Jae a 40 to split between him and his women, and I got a 40 for me and another for my friend Ryan. We went to my house and turned on the stereo. About ½hour after we started I had finished most of my forty and was buzzin bad, and Jae and his biz-niatch had finished theirs. His women Leslie started to bug me for my 40 and I kept saying no cause I had already bought hers for her. So finally I got PISSED off. I went to the bathroom and poured all the rest of my beer into a mug and pissed in my bottle. I walked up to her and said that if she would stop bothering me I would give her some of my beer. She agreed. I wish I could have held in my laughter a bit longer before I exploded and was on the floor. SHE DRANK MY PISS!!! It was sooooo funny. From then on we called her "Urine". P.S. Jae kissed her after.

- TrollE

Nov 23. Eeewww. From: Jesse B.

My friend Joe had a party a couple weeks ago when his parents went away. I had invited my friend Danielle cause he has the hots for her.

Joe was downstairs playing it smooth when he upped and barfed all over his shirt. He explained to Danielle that it was just a little extra 40 juice. Then he ran upstairs and let it rip all over his front hall floor.

Joe unsuccessfully tried to clean the massive amounts of puke with a swiffer sweeper. My boyfriend and me were watching Joe feebly shove his hurl across the floor someone comes up with the superb idea of betting somebody to lick the barf. My friend Byron, who had also had a little too much 40 juice, agreed for 5 dollars. He licked. I saw it. It was sick.

Nov 23. From: Unknown.

Once a long time ago in a land not so far away (Bramalea), I had no money on a Friday afternoon. So I decided to call all my friends and go drinking... When everyone (9 people in total) arrived at my brothers girlfriends house we started to drink. I got trashed off little bits of everyone else's liquor. I was so fucked I was sitting in the trashcan when most decided to leave. Before we left though I made out with my girlfriend and she gave me an unsuccessful hand job. When everyone started to walk home I was far behind everyone (I was falling all over the place.) My girlfriend's sister came along and helped me to the bus stop. While we stood waiting for the bus my girlfriends sister "accidentally" rubbed my crotch. I told her that was funny and she should do it again. She did. "And the lord said it was good". When we finally got to my house, my girlfriend was waiting for me in my room. IT WAS INSANE!!!!! I passed out in the middle of the best time of my life she was so good. To this day not many people know this story; my girlfriend's sister swore me to secrecy.

Nov 22. From: Jesse B. Adventures of Andy

My friend Andy has schizophrenia. Has is also on a hefty daily dosage of prescribed methadone. It was the weekend of this summer's warped tour concert and I was on my way out the door. I realized that there would be no one to feed my pets while I was enjoying the concert for the weekend. Andy was the only one available.

I gave Andy simple instructions on how to care for the 2 rats and 4 ft. long Iguana I owned. He was to feed the lizard cat food and give the rats fresh water and handfuls of seeds.

When I returned all the animals were missing. The rat's cage was overflowing with water. The Iguanas food bowl was filled to the brim with moldy cat food and there was fruit flies everywhere. He had found my baby rat and squished it with his steel toe boots (in an attempt to catch it). My Iguana was hiding scared in the closet and the older rat was never found.

No one knows what Andy did to the animals that weekend and I guess we'll never find out.

Nov 14-15, 2000. Wasaga. - Kyle Bermer

5:30ish dude shows up at my house. We make a few phone call's and hook up one of my friends with 2oz's. The night has begun! My buddy who grabbed through us takes off to head home and we start scheming.

The plan: (1) Go to Scott's cottage in Wasaga beach for the night. (2) Get as fucked up as possible. (3) Be back by 3:00pm the next day so I can go to my class.

The execution: We hit the road in Scott's '73 Nissan Datson 240. It's a two-seater and we have a dresser sticking out the rear, cold as fuck outside and we're doing like 150km/h for an hour and a half straight. Cold as fuck! We smoked a joint on the way to the cottage to get on the same level.

Some old bald crack head that we used to work with owed Scott $90 but he took 3 cases of home-made wine as payment. (12 bottles per case.) We decided to hit the wine. I can't stand wine, the list time I drank it I puked more than I have ever puked before, but that's an entirely different story. Surprisingly this wine was really good, it was fruit wine, strawberry and shit like that.

Scott snorted some E that he had and we smoked about a half quarter. Then we broke out the bong. We spent some time hooting off the bong and then hit the wine again. All and all we polished off 5 bottles. We tossed on Sleepy Hollow and zoned out.

At 5:00am I decided it was time that I hit the sack so I wouldn't be in too rough shape for the class I had in like 7 hours. Sleep didn't come easy. The E that Scott did had him on his toes and he was nowhere close the being ready to stop the party. As I lay in the spare bedroom using my knapsack for a pillow I can hear Scott talking to himself about how badly we wants clam chowder. It just so happens that Scott keeps a decent supply of clam chowder at his cottage, for occasion's like these I'm assuming.

I woke up to being tackled and having a spoonful of chowder smeared on my face. What the fuck! This went on for around a day or two. (Ball-park estimate.) It was absolutely awful, all I wanted to do was sleep.

Anyways, we got back home just in time for me to make it to the class that I then decided to skip.

The end:

STAY IN SCHOOL!

Nov 4, 2000. Guelph - Kyle Bermer

Scott shows up at my house at 2:00pm and we hit the road. Guelph get ready cause here we come! We smoke two joints in the car on the way there and get lost. I lived there for a year and I can't find my fucking way, brutal. We arrive at the university at 6:00pm and smoke another joint while we work out the wrinkles in our evening agenda.

We decide to start the night at an old bar called the Albion which used to be a hotel. There are 8 of us at this point and we polish off around 6 or 9 pitchers in about an 2 hours. Half of us went upstairs and the other half went home. There was a skinhead concert on the second floor of the Albion and I ran into several people I hadn't seen in ages. We had a few more beers and headed over to a more of a club-like place called Trappers Alley.

In the line-up for trappers we smoked 2 more joints and sold a half quarter for some capitol. Inside I ran into a few more people I know and they bought me some tequila. My buddy picked up some coke off some dude outside and he almost got busted with it. We left Trappers when a fuck load of cops showed up because of some fags that we going to fight. This is where the evening went hazy. I wandered around the block looking for one of my friends. We all met up and headed to one of their houses. At this point it was about 3:30am and we were all wrecked.

So we hit this house and break out the coke. Christ oh mighty. We all did a few rails and things started to get really silly.

We decide to return to my friends residence where we're crashing. We got their at about 4:00am and did another rail. We went out and smoked a joint and called it quits for the night. Sleep. *Sorry for briefness, I'm tired.

Teacher Strike. Begining of school year. 1998ish. - Kyle Bermer

I can't remember the exact date but don't worry, you'll find out why.

The time. This took place the Friday after the blessed school strike a few years back during high school. This event has changed my life forever.

The meeting. Me and another friend Steve end up crashing at our buddies house Ted on the Friday night, we have to be out bye 9:00am the next morning. We're bored and we're broke, we have no booze or drugs and it's getting late. We're loosing our minds. After a long loosing battle we can't convince Ted that it's a good idea to steal his mom's booze. Fucker.

The idea. "Hey," says the host, "I have some pills left over from when I was in the hospital... (Our host had spent a few weeks in the hospital do to some minor psychological problems, about a year earlier.)..I'll get them." Hmmmm, we think. Should we? Shouldn't we? Ahh, what the hell, I hate going to bed sober.

The process. Pills lay in front of us, two kinds. Tiny pea like green pills, and white Tylenol like white pills. We break it out; 9 green, 3 white...each. Ok we think pop green, snort white, and see what happens. (I'm not proud of this, but hey.) We wait....and wait.........AND WAIT!....nothing. Nothing fucking happened! Fuck it, bed time.

The consequence. I awake, groggy, Teds mom is telling me and Steve to get up and get out. Blur, heaven, hell, what the fuck! Get up, get up, Ok, Ok. Wait...I can't, my body is frozen! Or have I just forgotten how to use it?

Ha! I remember! Now I'm on my way. Sitting up now, oh shit *boof* I fall over. I have Teds mother staring at me during this awful display. Shit it looks like she's about to talk; "Were you guys drinking down here last night?" No, of course not, are you forgetting that we're only 17?

Finally I get to my feet. I'm disoriented and I feel like I'm still sleeping. Steve, get up, we have to go *SMACK* I miss the door and hit the wall. Fear. Let's go, we flee up the stairs, grab our boots and we're out the door. We stop a block later to put our boots on. No talking, just silence.

Walking home I remember talking to this guy Geoff we ran into. Talking talking talking. Turn around to look at Geoff, FUCK, no Geoff? Steve, what did you say? "Huh, Nothing, you were talking to yourself."

It doesn't sink in. This continues for the 30-minute walk home. Bye, "Bye." Alone.

The task. My job for the day is to cut the lawn for my Dad. Horror, I HATE cutting the lawn. Thank AL my house is empty. Cutting the lawn I run into a variety of friends and have chats with them. Every time I look away and turn back to an empty yard. My father came home several times during the day. I could never find him once he went inside. We did have many talks yelling up and down the stairs to each other until I went upstairs and couldn't find him that is. Friends come by and I serve drinks and we talk. Every time I turn around people disappear on me.

The recovery. First, you must under stand that nothing after I left my friends house actually happened, they were all hallucinations.(Other than cutting the lawn.) No friends came by my house, my father never came home. It never once occurred to me that the cause of all this was the pills that I took the night before. The strike ended 2 weeks later, by which time I had almost recovered.

SAY 'YES' TO DRUGS!